Do you find it difficult to spend time alone? Or perhaps the idea of being by yourself makes you uncomfortable? In a society built around social interactions, solitude is often seen as something negative. We live in a world where being constantly surrounded by others – whether at work, with friends, or on social media – is the norm. But when was the last time you deliberately chose to spend time alone, whether by going to the movies, sitting in a café, or enjoying a quiet meal at a restaurant?
Photo by Ant Rozetsky on Unsplash
It’s surprising how many people hesitate to be alone. I once spoke to someone who rarely went to the movies or restaurants because they were single and their friends or acquaintances were seldom available. When I suggested they try going alone, whether to a restaurant, cinema, or café, they looked at me with surprise and a hint of irritation. Does this reaction sound familiar to you?
I frequently encounter people who find the idea of doing something alone uncomfortable or even intimidating. This discomfort often stems from concerns about how others might perceive them: “Look, they must not have a partner or friends. That’s why they’re sitting here alone.” Or: “What kind of person must this be if no one wants to go out with them?” Some also question whether an experience is even worthwhile if it’s not shared with someone.
Then there’s the issue of what to do when you’re alone in a restaurant. As couples and groups around you seem to be engaged in lively conversation, you might quickly feel like an outsider. While a book or smartphone might offer temporary distraction, is it really the solution? Or does it simply make the situation even more awkward?
Going out alone – a thought experiment
If you recognise yourself in this description, I invite you to try a simple thought experiment. Think of the last time you were in a restaurant. You were likely with others, but try to remember about the other diners. Were they all in groups or couples, or were there also people eating alone? What were your thoughts when you saw them? Perhaps you don’t remember because you were involved in your own conversations and not paying much attention to those around you. Or maybe you did notice someone dining alone – did you really think all those negative things you fear others might think about you on your own?
Now, imagine you go to a restaurant alone. Picture it in your mind. What feelings and thoughts arise? And what might the other diners think? Are they likely to have the same negative assumptions you fear, or could their thoughts be entirely different?
Going out alone – so what?
And even if it is true, so what? If no one has the time or inclination to join me for a movie today, should I forgo seeing the film just because someone might judge me? Does it mean I’m completely alone in the world, without friends, and that I’ll never have any? Or could it simply mean that I had the courage to go out alone today, even though no one could accompany me? Perhaps it means that I don’t mind being alone and that the gaze of others, whether real or imagined, doesn’t bother me. Maybe I even enjoy doing things on my own from time to time.
Did you know that what’s considered “normal” can vary greatly between cultures? For example, in Japan, it’s entirely common to be alone. Many restaurants there offer seating at the counters specifically designed for solo diners. These seating arrangements create an environment where being alone isn’t seen as unusual but as a normal part of everyday life. This highlights how cultural differences can shape our perceptions of and responses to solitude.
Going out alone – the positives
Indeed, being alone has its own set of advantages. I can take the time to reflect quietly on my thoughts, avoid unnecessary conversations if I don’t feel like talking, and make decisions without needing to compromise. Solitude also allows me to observe my surroundings more attentively. I might notice, for example, how many couples around me are sitting in silence or engaged in intense discussions.
Life isn’t black and white, and the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Sometimes, solitude can be one of the greatest freedoms we can afford ourselves. Give it a try, it might be more rewarding than you think!
*****
What are your thoughts on going out on your own? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below! And if you’d like more insights and tips from me, subscribe to my monthly newsletter.
Photo by Annie Williams on Unsplash
