If you spend a lot of time in online meetings, you’ve probably caught yourself staring at your own face. Not intentionally, but your eyes likely keep drifting to that small image of yourself in the corner of the screen. Maybe you’re checking if your hair looks okay, noticing how tired you seem, or just watching your own expressions as you talk.
It’s such a small thing that you might not have thought much about it. But over the course of several meetings, you can end up spending a surprising amount of time looking at yourself. And that constant self-view affects you more than you might think.
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The Mirror on Your Screen
I have been working as an online psychologist for over a decade. So when the pandemic began in 2020 and platforms like Zoom became essential tools for work, school, and staying connected almost overnight, much of what people were discovering for the first time was already very familiar to me, from how much is genuinely possible online, including counselling, to how exhausting it can be to spend an entire day in video calls. The term “Zoom fatigue” caught on quickly because it named something so many people were experiencing.
Before video calls became part of everyday life, most people only saw themselves in a mirror for a few minutes each day, e.g. when getting ready in the morning, for a quick check before heading out, or as a brief reflection in a shop window. Now, during video calls, our own faces usually stay visible on the screen throughout the meeting. Over the course of a day, this can mean hours spent with our own reflection in view. Imagine someone following you around with a handheld mirror all day, making sure you see your own face during every task and conversation. It sounds ridiculous, but that’s essentially what video calls do.
Researchers at Stanford already began studying this effect during the early months of the pandemic. One of their key observations was that the self-view feature essentially acts like a mirror. And this mirror has real psychological consequences.
Why Video Calls Feel So Tiring
Seeing yourself during a conversation triggers self-evaluation. You notice your facial expressions, wonder how you’re coming across, or compare how you look to how you would like to look. In small doses, this is fairly harmless, but when it continues for the duration of an entire call, or even several calls in a day, it drains our energy.
The reason it’s so hard to ignore your own reflection isn’t vanity, by the way, it’s biology. Our brains are naturally drawn to our own reflection, even when we’re actively trying to focus on the conversation.
When part of your attention is busy watching yourself, you are not fully in the conversation. Some of your attention is always tied up with how you appear rather than with what is actually being said. And that additional self-awareness is one of the reasons why video calls can feel more tiring than in-person conversations, and it contributes to what is often called Zoom fatigue. Researchers also sometimes refer to this effect as mirror anxiety. When we see ourselves for extended periods, we tend to evaluate our appearance and behaviour more than we normally would. Over time, that constant self-monitoring can become a small but steady cognitive drain, especially when meetings happen back-to-back.
Studies also suggest that this effect does not impact everyone in the same way. Research shows that women consistently report higher levels of video call exhaustion than men, partly because the self-view window tends to draw more attention to appearance.
A Simple Trick to Reduce Zoom Fatigue
Most of us never change the default settings and simply get used to having our own image visible throughout every meeting. But it doesn’t have to be that way. The solution to the problem is as simple as it is effective: hiding your self-view.
On Zoom, for example, you can right-click on your own video and select “Hide Self View.” Your camera stays on and other people can still see you, but you don’t see yourself anymore. Many people find that their conversations instantly feel more natural with the self-view switched off. Without constantly seeing your own face, it becomes easier to focus on the other person, what is being said and what you want to say.
Another helpful shift is allowing your gaze to move naturally during a call. In face-to-face conversations, we rarely maintain constant eye contact. We glance out of the window, look at the table, or briefly look in the distance while thinking. Doing the same during video calls can make interactions feel a lot more relaxed and less demanding.
Small adjustments like these won’t eliminate Zoom fatigue entirely, but they can help reduce some of the constant self-monitoring that makes video calls more exhausting than they need to be.
Small Changes Matter
Video calls have opened up remarkable possibilities. They’ve allowed us to maintain connections across distances and given many people, including myself, flexibility in where and how we work. For many of us, they’ve become a regular part of both work and personal life. But like any technology, videoconferencing brings its own challenges.
The constant self-view is just one of them, but it’s also one of the easiest to address. Hiding your own image, allowing yourself to look away occasionally, or simply noticing when you’re caught up in self-monitoring can make a real difference.
You don’t need to overhaul your entire setup. Sometimes the smallest adjustments can already make a big difference. If you’ve been feeling drained after video calls, try hiding your self-view for a week and see what happens. You might be surprised by how much lighter conversations feel when you’re not watching yourself have them.
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If you struggle with exhaustion or overwhelm, you are very welcome to get in touch or book an online counselling session with me.
If you’re a German-speaking colleague and would like to learn more about what makes video conversations work well, from the technical side to creating genuine connection online, check out my online course Videogespräche professionell gestalten.
